Relationships are Not a Numbers Game
Sometimes, people tend to think of relationships, especially marriage, as a 50/50 effort or a business partnership. Instead of being flexible and willing to lean in more so here or there when meeting in the middle just isn’t happening, we tend to think, “You do your part, and I’ll do my part.” This rarely works, or endures for that matter. And when it doesn’t, we end up feeling let down or disappointed.
This 50/50 mindset isn’t a sound way to live as one, or both of you, at times will not be able to give 100 percent to the other. Life happens, dates get canceled, work trips come up and we aren’t perfect. Our numbers are skewed, and as a result we develop false expectations of both our spouse and ourselves. What if instead, we adopted a 100/100 model in which we each made the commitment to give all of ourselves to the other – without counting the cost?
In the 50/50 model, your chances of reaching a full 100 percent are less likely than with the 100/100 model as it leaves room for overlap if one (or both) of you is having a bad day. In order to have a happy, lasting relationship with someone who will endure the trials and tribulations of life, it’s important to be willing to give 100 percent to your spouse without reservation and expectations.
You can’t just give or take. It has to be both. The reason most marriages fail is because they are entered into with the mindset of a business partnership, in which each agrees to contribute part of themselves. A successful marriage begins with the commitment to give all you have and expect nothing in return.
If you love someone, you don’t count the cost, you just love them. This is not easy, but with humility, gratitude and sacrifice – which is love – you will gladly do it. Choose to give yourself because you believe it’s the right thing to do, not because you will get something back in return. If you are looking for a return on investment, go to the stock market, not to those you love.
